Roller Coaster Ride

... this past month has just been a ride....

From one group of emotions to another, who knows what is going to happen next..

all I know is it won't be like last year....

Future Sight (Plans for this week)

Friday: work box
Saturday: work box (mother leaves for trip to lower 48 hospital..)
Sunday: work box
Monday: day off one (Take care of family/dog/brother/Hair cut)
Tuesday: Day off two (Games/Chores/Shoping/ Fun time with friends?)
Wed: 5pm work floor
Thursday (same as wed)

This week is going to be fun and interesting, as I get closer and closer to school time, and the one year anniversary of something that should have never happened, we will see how I will hold up

Plans for August: School school school
Work work work
Friends+ Family
Find myself yet again
work on my models
Build new comp?
save money for comicon 09
Etc Etc

-G

Heartless (But I don't give a damn)

Ex decided to text me in the middle of the night about making out with a co-worker I work with...

I was like WTf why would you text me that unless you are trying to hurt me.. fuck off,


Well It did not work lol, now I am here just laughing at her terrible mistake, thinking that I am that weak.. lol whatever

The Future....

1. Get in Shape
2. Re discover self
3. move

People and Choice, or lack of..

Its sad really..

People can't even make up their minds,

who is their friend..

who is the one they care for when all else is down,

who will they use and abuse just to make themselves fulfilled of something they have been void of..

Its a shame I let that happen, and it will and should not happen again..

-G

One past memory (part one)

The reason I can't sleep tonight,

I was thinking about a past moment..

A moment that still makes me smile to this day..


here I am, nervous and shy on a bench right outside of the security checkpoint at the airport, Waiting for someone I had not seen for a very long time..

People just staring at me like I was some kind of silly person just sitting there blushing, and being silly.. But then she came.. Sunburnt and all, but that did not matter, What did matter was the huge smile I saw when she finally saw me on the bench waiting for me. she came towards me and gave me a big hug..


This is all I can think about.. there is more to this story.. but I am getting sleepy again..

I will update it later..

Oh the twisted path's we weave...

... Emotions... Past memories just flashing at the blink of an eye because of one moment in the present...

That is what happened to me today..

I saw 30,000 memories all being crushed by the bladed sword of reality..

and it was why I was down..

There is more to it I suppose, that fact that nobody at work today seemed to want to talk to me..

It's just like I was not there, just in my corner of the box. In my cold and lonesome corner..

Sure, I am being depressed but who cares.. its how my life goes..

Its how my life carrys on.
.
Its how my life will end, in the end..


But still, there is always still hope for that bright future,

and this Cold and endless summer will eventually end...

and I hope it does,

And I pray for a warm winter in the end.....

-G

The Blured edge of Reality, with a hint of fantasy

(Decided to give up on this b.S

The Third time is apparently not the charm

This past weekend was one of the best weekends of my life,

Someone was actually interested with me..

Someone actually wanted to hang out and be with me..

Yet in the end, she was not ready for someone like me,

someone who is only going to get in the way.

I guess that's how life works, to be honest..


I really should just stop trying and let things come to me. But I feel like I can not help myself but that's how it works.


What I should be more concerned with now is my future, instead of thinking about the people that can make me happy.

Right now I would rather be sad and moving forward then happy and moving backwards... but that's how life works..

Its crazy, it's unpredictable, and its never the same.


It's a shame that I ruin everything I touch these days, but I guess it is just karma catching up to me for my past mistakes..

Hopefully in time, things will get better, but you never know...

All I know for sure, this is going to be a very long weekend..

....

Looks like all I ever belived in is gone forever,

All those dreams..

All those memories..

My past is gone,

..

When I started this new year, I wanted a fresh start to who I am, What I do in life, and my Attitude Towards others,

Instead I get a year filled with Anger, Hatred, Sadness, Depression,Love, Death, and Failure

What a Year it has already been,

We are just only in the second day of june and Already, I am back to where I was in 7th grade, The wimpy lil boy who had no trust in himself, no belif that he can do anything at all in this world.

All of the things I have hoped and dreamed for this time just seem to be fading away.

Into the dark,

Betrayed by a "Friend" like I betrayed my Best friend, The Irony is amazing

Yet the pain is so real..

-Gary

FML!

Alright Haven't posted in ahwhile but let me just give a summary of today for you!!

FML!!

THANK YOU

-Gary

On haircuts and Humanity

I need a haircut,

But can a Hair cut get rid of all of the problems that have plagued this month with badness? nah

Its my fault

and mine alone :(

Mad World

Hey You!, Whoever you are...

its be a bit since I have updated this and well, things have just not gotten better.

Every day it just feels like everything is repeating itself over and over and over again,

Oh well, life is a mysterious thing..

Will post more later, Just do not know what to say right now!

Now that the Spring is in the air....

School is out.. And I am screwed..

That is pretty much the definition of this year.. Getting screwed.....

This years summary so far
Bad things>Good Things....

I guess that's all I had to say today..

Hopefully things will look up soon..

Of course I have been thinking that since February...

-Gary P.

Update on Grandmother: And 19th birthday...

Well, My grandmother got out of the hospital.. That is good!, she is still really sick but she is taking care of herself with my family at home now, so I hope she will get better soon.

The family party had to be cancled because of all of the drama, but it does not matter.

I have been sick for the past few days, which sucks because finals are this week but I know it will all be better in the end..

Anyways yea, that's whats going on so far..

This is finals week, and next week I can finally relax for a bit!
-G

Grandmother..

My Grandmother is in the hospital... She has both the Flu and Pneumonia...

Hopefully She will be ok. I am wishing for the best..

In the mean time, do not expect anything to update untill things get better..

Its also finals soon
-G

On The Screenplay

the first 5 pages are done on the Drama of Century 16 .... will keep you posted when I get further Along

The Begining of Summer Blues (Goals for this summer)

1. Shed some pounds (Bicycle ride from south anchorage to Grandparents house near Turpin? Once a month maybe?

2. Earn some money either A. Current job or B. New Opportunity?

3. Have fun (Bicycle,Frolf,Golf,Etc.)

On A Careless Whisper

So, this week is the final week to finally figure out what is wrong with me in my life, it is understandble what is going on with me, My heart has been broken and used. I guess it was my fault for letting it get to this but that is ok..

I guess I am finally getting over it, now that she wont talk to me, which sucks because she Is a nice person you know, A person you would really want to be a friend but I guess that is understandable.

The sad truth is, she will propablly never be my friend and will use my friends against me, which sucks because she is leaving the state.

Of course every time she is around, she always trys to bug me by talking to the people who are next to me.. it sucks... and is stupid..

On Poison and getting pulled over.

Why does it seem like every time she comes near me.. she wants me to talk to her. it is like a bad posion that just wants to get into my system but I know as soon as I give it a chance, it will hurt me more than the poison itself..

Oh and I got pulled over today.. lol I have a headlight that is out, but I got away... by using a timeless excuse :(

Who Cares

So what, I tried to be her friend, Every time we got close to each other we did something terrible..

and now we are no longer friends..

I guess that is understandable..

I mean, I would do the same...

-G

The Loss of A Friend, And a new chapter in Life.

Today I have lost a friend of mine,

Someone who I hurt
Someone who I made cry..
and someone when ever she thought I cried, she felt so bad that she wanted to go back to the drawing board and figure everything out again..

I have hurt My Best Friends Feelings,
I Have killed them from the inside,

And I have lost her...

But This is not the end of times,

This is just the closure that I needed,

Sure, I wanted to be her friend and she never could understand How I work..

How I wanted her to be happy

How I wanted her to be away from me

But I could never realize that those solutions, would only cause pain and suffering to the both of us,

How when time comes around, we are always just thinking and waiting for that oppertunity..

But oh well.

A Door has closed in my life,

An oppertunity that I sadly will be never able to attempt again.

Something that deep in my heart i Desired, and was obbsesed with was gone.

The Cancer is gone from my body and is now forever taken away from me.

But how can someone just tear themselves away from another..

How can one just shoot a friend in the face just to make themselves happy,

In a world that is as self conscious as ours is.. you would think that life would send us to be with out friends,

To help them when they are down,

To hold them when they are crying..

Why Does when one person needs someone to hold, Take advantage of them just to prentend they were another.

It is just life that demands it.

Life demands attetion,

Life Demands that attraction

And Life Kills anything to get what it wants,


This person also had an obbsesion, and obbsesion so bad that it causes them to stop whatever they are doing just so they could fly as far away as they can to see the person they are obsessed with.

Life is this obbsesion, the goal.. to finally settle down in the crazy world that is life and figure things out..

I am not there yet.


I ruined things for some people and I have hurt others feelings, but I know in the end everything will be okay..

One person, Who decides to end a freindship because they feel like if they did, it would make them fall in love again is wrong.

It is wrong to assume such great in-justice...

It is the sad truth in life as in with humanity,

The Good never do win,

But I was never good in the first place.
The nice never win.

But I was never nice in the first place.

All I did was mix my feelings and in turn, hurt Around one hundred lives,

My Two Best Friends

All of my co-workers,

All of my Family,

And all of the people that Have ever meant something to me, and for this I am sorry.


Life is a silly thing

Rather you like it or not you are on this rollercoaster by yourself, untill you find that one crazy person,

That one person who thinks like you,

Wants to be with you,

Wants to hold you in the sunset to look at the stars at night,

Wants to do anything to go to you,

And That is life..

And My Friend is finally doing this..


To Her I seem bitter, But I know in my heart I am happy for her.

Happy she is finally attempting to see things on her own.

Happy she is once again on the right path of things,

and happy that she will be happy for the rest of her life..

And that makes me glad,


To her right now (She would never read this I assume)
She would not belive anything That I said,

I am a lying cheater,
I have nothing to do with people
all I have ever done is hurt peoples lives.. but thats not how it works..

I only cheated untill I met her,

Untill I finally found something that made me happy for a very long time.

Something, that even though we will not talk anymore, will still make me happy and belive how great fortunes I have had to be with someone so determined, so happy, and so in love before..


So as you said to me, tonight, while I was work, SO I could not see it,

Good Bye My Friend,

Hope life treats you the way you want it...

Because for me, mine is just beginning, and yours is finally trying to find a resting place,

And I hope you are enjoying it..

-G

Why it hurts..

For the past few months, I have been trying to get over many things,

How I hurt someone..

How someone hurt me

how I commited Emotional Suicide on myself in an attempt to be happy when in the end, all I was going to get was more pain and suffering which is something I did not want..

But, all of this does not matter.

Sure every day for the past 3 months, I have been broken, I cant do what I used to be able to do,

Its hard for me to study without thinking about it..

its hard to me to go to work without thinking about it..

Its hard for me to live without thinking about it..


In just plain old simple terms... It sucks....

But I know one day I will get over the basic pain..

Knowing that I was happy once, with someone that I truly did love..

But I know it will still hurt me when I am alone and old and Grey..

This sucks..

-G

The First Post... and my Attempt at Bloggin

Hi Everyone...

Or Whoever even reads this..


So, as life has grown tougher and tougher for me, i need another way of expressing my feelings in another medium..

Through Poetry....

Through Art and Pictures....

And Through the Grand Screenplay which is a metaphor for my life and the struggles of others....

But Anyways for now this is a hello,

Hopefully, Once a Week, I will update this blog with something about my week,

But Hey Whatever... Life is crazy you know...

So yeah Lets begin with the basics..

My Name is Gary..
I Live in Alaska...
I am Curentlly Confused about everything..
And so on and so forth..

I work at a movie theater...

Yeah
So Thats the Basics so lets get into bloggin territory shall we?